You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
