Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
