she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
These tits shall not be calmed
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
