i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she peed on how many people?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
