Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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