My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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