You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize