A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
