I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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