Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize