my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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