there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
