yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
