i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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