we have officially lost it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
