Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
