i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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