dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
