her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Come see our sink grown plant.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Someone signed my nipple.
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