I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
