kristin has been a bad kristin
4 words: hood of his car
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
