maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk is not a location!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
