I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
