I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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