My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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