So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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