I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
