imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
