bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize