I'm jealous of your bromance
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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