You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
