We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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