Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
