last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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