ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Randomize
