Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
