then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
