I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
