69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
