i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
