They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
