his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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