you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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