The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
