i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
