try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
false alarm, still single
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
