there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize