nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize