somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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