Who did Billy Mays play for?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
