If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize