I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
