i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
