Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
