I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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