I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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