shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
