Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
