I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
