well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
