My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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