right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
