Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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