I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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