as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
