if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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