He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
