Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
being pregnant is like rehab
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
