walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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