her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
