So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
